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I felt as if I'd been given an ultimatum, realising that I had to make a choice between my lover and my family.Nick was as horrified as I was at the idea that I might become pregnant with Steve's child, but told me he wasn't ready to leave his wife. I should have realised then that Nick wasn't someone I could rely on.Obsessed as I was by my feelings for Nick, I felt my life was spiralling out of control.Then in October last year, my husband Steve started to talk about wanting us to have another baby.'Sorry, Caroline, I really do care for you - but I just can't do it to her.' It was the expression on Nick's face that gave him away, the evasive look in his eyes that made him suddenly seem more like a stranger than a lover.Sitting in the coffee bar where we'd arranged to meet, I stared back at him in horrified disbelief.
Like most adulterous couples, the question of whether we could ever be together permanently was always there at the back of our minds.As the months went on, I knew I was more and more in love with him.Terrified of making the wrong decision, I tried not to think about where our affair was leading.I thought about all the times we'd talked about our future together, and how I'd loved and trusted him.Both married to other people, Nick and I had been having an affair for over 18 months. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt my wife that much. If I went ahead and told my husband I'd been having an affair, I knew I'd be risking facing life alone as a single mother.