It can drive them to over-focus on getting and keeping a relationship (anxious attachment) or cause them to be plagued with doubts about whether they want the relationship (avoidant attachment).
Due to their belief that their need for commitment is understandable or their fears of incompatibility are reasonable, they often don`t see anxiety as being the true source of their problems. Common thinking errors Thinking errors are quite pervasive in our society.
This is the secret ingredient to breaking the anxious and avoidant attachment pattern--sharing feelings, talking about fears, and making efforts to meet each other`s deeper needs.
This phenomenon is best explained by the Be Spontaneous Paradox, in which an authentic reaction or emotion is expected immediately and spontaneously, which is paradoxically impossible since the ability to be authentic requires spontaneity, which can not be forced or created on demand.However, when an avoidant person feels cornered with questions about their feelings, they may instantly feel less connected without knowing why.From this pressured position, they usually don`t feel an authentic ability to express strong positive emotions or to respond with excitement about becoming more committed.Dating coach Alisa Snell tells us the most common reasons people are single.Everyone knows someone who is amazing and still single and they can't figure out why.